oh god the rape fog is back!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
