I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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