I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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