You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I've blown a few things in my day
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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