I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
