so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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