Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize