Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
