69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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