omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
