I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
