No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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