Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
