Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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