omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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