well you can't waste a boner
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize