if you like me you must not know who I am
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My pussy is not your playground.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My penis needs a shock collar
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
