There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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