Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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