literally had 100 drinks last night.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
