New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
