Do you still have your period?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize