exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I supernannyed him into submission
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
