Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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