No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
