dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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