yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
