i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
