dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
