I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
