I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
