I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
did i walk over a car last night?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
