I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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