Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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