i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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