Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize