so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
