another moral hangover. fuck.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
