somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
