Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
