Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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