Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
