just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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