I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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