I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
