the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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