Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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