Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
