Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
