i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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