wat bout pragnant strippers??
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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