I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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