And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize