I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
