all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
