I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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