I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
