I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
