You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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