So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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