Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize