His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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