tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
