your parents love me but you hate me
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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