I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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