Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
