i think my mom watched the whole time
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
