dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
