I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
