i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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