I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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