Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
