She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
