I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
