I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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