I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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