The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
