I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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