the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
