At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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