honey bunches of taint.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
