I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
