dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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