I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
