Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
