i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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