I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
