i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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