So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
