Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So here I am, sexting at work.
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