i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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