She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
