so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize