so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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