is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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