do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
